Beards and 18th Century France

So I’ve been studying the rococo movement in France and Italy (well all of Europe which basically has amounted to France and Italy with little bits of other places like Russia and some Dutch influences but whatever) and I have had to memorize the académie royal de peinture et de sculpture’s hierarchy of genres.

For your reference it’s

  1. History painting – biblical scenes, mythology, stuff like that.
  2. Portraiture, which is my favourite kind of art ever in any medium. Just so you know.
  3. Genre painting, scenes from every day life.
  4. Landscapes & stuff.
  5. And finally still life. Which ends up being like food and dead animals in most of the stuff I’ve studied.

And while I was contemplating studying for the final I have in three days, I started thinking about beards. Mostly because not being able to grow a beard is my one disappointment in life. But anyway.

I’ve noticed, in my perusal of the internet (in that I follow like 20 beard blogs on tumblr, it’s not even funny) that there is kind of a hierarchy in the beard photo world.

It’s a little more up to interpretation because maybe you don’t like beards, or you like different beards than I do, or you just don’t like animals or the outdoors or mustaches. But basically:

  1. The highest on the hierarchy will always go to cute guys with cuter animals. You don’t even have to have a nice beard – just as long as the kitty’s cute the barest of stubble is elevated to position numero uno.
  2. The street shot – classy looking guys in suits or fashionable plaid or suspenders. Usually taken as full-body shots from the front; in front of a wall, window, or by a busy street in a city.
  3. Outdoorsy bearded fella. In the woods, on some rocks, or someone who looks like he might be backpacking some time in the near future. *
  4. In the car – as either a passenger or waiting in the driver’s seat. Usually a selfie.
  5. And finally the drinking/smoking pic. This is last because I’m not actually sure most of the guys who end up in these shots know that they’ll end up on beard blogs for college students to put into a hierarchy.

*at like 3 & a half there’s the “yeard” pictures, where you find out how long a particular beard has been left to grow. Not included is the webcam/phone selfie because


One thought on “Beards and 18th Century France

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